Suffering, the Way out of Suffering and Compassion

I think my suffering is caused by my resistance to what is. If that is true, then there are two ways out of suffering. One is to change what is. The other is to let go of my resistance.

The problem with the first approach is that "what is" has many aspects, and all of them keep changing. Therefore, to try to keep all the aspects of my world arranged in such a way as to not cause me suffering is like trying to juggle dozens of balls continuously. It is a hugely multi-dimensional task. There is the job, the family relationships, the social relationships, the financial situation, the political situation, physical health, mental health, the health of those we love, etc. It ain't gonna work... many of those balls are going to fall to the ground. In fact, I am going to die one day, and that's like dropping all the balls. Death makes the failure of this approach inevitable.

I think the second approach, letting go of resistance to what is, is the only viable solution to suffering. Whereas the first approach involved a continuous, multi-dimensional problem, this letting go involves a continuous, single-dimensional problem. I have to let go continuously, but letting go is only one action, a very simple action, that I am capable of in this moment.

So how do I let go of resistance to what is? I believe that any resistance is accompanied by physical tensioning of the muscles. Sometimes it is very subtle, perhaps just a slight tensioning in the muscles of the jaw, or around the eyes. Sometimes it is more obvious, such as hunching the shoulders or tightening the fists. So letting go can simply be relaxing those muscles. When you relax the muscles, simultaneously you (automatically) let go of the emotional resistance to what is. I think it is literally that simple. Perhaps there are also instances where resistance is not accompanied by muscular tension, but if that type exists, I am not concerned with it now.

When I was about 10 years old I was sitting in the back seat of my parents' car with my little sister. It was very cold, and I was shivering and suffering. For some reason I decided to try an experiment. I relaxed all my muscles and accepted the cold. This immediately transformed my suffering into a delicious experience. I still felt the cold, but I was no longer suffering. I was enjoying the same cold that had made me suffer a moment before. I think perhaps that all of our suffering can be transformed like this, in the moment that we give up our resistance.

I am not saying that you can give up your resistance once and then you'll be liberated from suffering forever. It can only be done in this moment, and the moments keep coming, so it is a continuous practice. For me, it is a continuous practice that I forget to do most of the time. But it does work when I remember to do it.

When other people are suffering, how can you help them? Well, you COULD try to help them keep all those balls in the air, but we already figured out that that is an approach that is destined to fail. You could make sympathetic noises while stroking their hair. If you adopt this approach, you will become popular, but you will not help anybody. Or you could try to convince them to give up their resistance to what is.

This will not make you popular, but it might work sometimes. It seems to me that this is the truly compassionate approach, although it will seem cold and unsympathetic to say, "All you have to do is let go!". People want to believe that their problem is important and unique. People are attached to the gravitas of their suffering.